G-d Bless America
We join the nation in prayer for our troops overseas
The editor Bradley Zang would like you to know that some of these stories are so unbelievable he doesn’t even believe them.
Jacksonville City Championship
Date: Sat., May 17, 2003.
There is a different location this year. It is at Atlanta Bread Company in Tinseltown 13634 Bromley Point Jacksonville, Florida 32225 (904-220-5116) 4rd Swiss Reg 1:00 to 1:45 P.M. Rd. 2, 3:15, 5 and 6:00 P.M. Game in 30 4 rd. Swiss Prizes 1st place $100, 2nd place $50, under 1600 $50. Trophies U1400 1st, 2nd and 3rd
Cost $20, includes one year membership in the Jacksonville Chess Club, not compoundable.
Students of Florida Community College at Jacksonville can play for free, but must show a current curriculum at time of registration. There is no time delay feature in this event.
Scholastic same place and date (Non USCF), reg. 1 to 1:45 PM, 3 rd swiss game in 30 min, Rd start 2, 3 and 5 PM K-5 & 6-12. Cost $5 Prizes Chess sets, Books and gifts .
12th Annual USCF Bob Turrill Memorial
Date: Sat., August 30, 2003. Location: Atlanta Bread Company 13634 Bromley Point, Jacksonville, Florida 32225 (904-220-5116). Registration 1 to 1:45 PM Rd 2, 3:15, 5 and 6 PM. Game in 30 minutes, 4 rd Swiss. Cost $15 for Jacksonville Chess Club members and FCCJ student, $25 for non members. With non membship fee you get a non- compoundable JCC membership through May 17 2004. Prizes 1st place $100, 2nd $50 and Under 1600 $50 Trophies U1400 1st 2nd 3rd There is no time delay feature in this event.
Scholastic, reg 1 to 1:45 PM 3Rd swiss game in 30 min Rd start 2, 3 and 5 PM K-5 & 6-12. Cost $5 Prizes Chess sets, Books and gifts. email@example.com
Jacksonville Chess Profiled
Grinder’s Chess Special By Scott Pfeiffer, Tournament Director
The Scene: Slavisa Micukic’s Specialty Coffee House, just across the street from FCCJ’s Deerwood campus, an eclectic, if not quaint, hub which caters to the needs of an international community.
The Venue: Three rounds of “rated” chess (sanctioned and officiated by the U.S. Chess Federation), played at the rate of 45 minutes per side,per game.
The Contestants: the champ, the submariner,the youngblood, the mandarin kid,the king of variants, and the reverend.
A beautiful day of chess transpired on Saturday, April 12, when a small contingent of combatants dueled for several hours over a field of 64 black and white squares. The contest attracted several spectators, including members of the sponsoring affiliate, the Jacksonvilele Chess Club, and off-hand games were also the order of the day.The combination of outdoor scenario, relatively slower rate of play, and diverse playing styles made for some fascinating games and , to some extent, unexpected results. A world away from the harsh realities of war in Iraq and enjoying the freedoms of domestic tranquility, the tournament’s lone militiaman, submariner Ryan Walters, did not play “like a fish out of water”, but bested the field by the slimmest of margins to garner first place with a score of 2 wins and a draw. Justin Onkst’s aggressive, if not, at times, impetuous style of play led to an even score and a first place finish in the under 1400 division. Following are a couple of games by the winners:
Ryan Walters(1738)- William Haynie (1233), round 1
1. d4 g6 2. c4 Bg7 3. Nc3 d6 4. Nf3 Nd7 5. e4 e5 6. d5 Ne7 7. g4 Nf8 8. h3 f5 9. gxf5 gxf5 10. Bg5 f4 11. Nh2 h5 12. Be2 Nh7 13. Bxh5+ Kf8 14. Rg1 Nf6 15. Bxf6 Bxf6 16. Qf3 Rg8 17. O-O-O Bd7 18. Ng4 Bg7 19. Rg2 Qc8 20. Rdg1 Be8 21. Bxe8 Qxe8 22. Ne3 Bh8 23. Rxg8+ Nxg8 24. Nf5 Nf6 25. Qg2 a6 26. h4 Qh5 27. f3 Kf7 28. Qg5 Rg8 29. Qxh5+ Nxh5 30. Nh6+ Resigns
Justin Onkst(1258)- Don Miller(1035), round 3
1. e3 c5 2. b3 Nc6 3. Bb2 d5 4. Nf3 d4 5. exd4 Nxd4 6. Nxd4 cxd4 7. Bb5+ Bd7 8. Qe2 Qb6 9. Bxd7+ Kxd7 10. Qg4+ Qe6+ 11. Qxe6+ fxe6 12. Bxd4 b6 13.Na3 Nf6 14. Nc4 Nd5 15. Ne5+ Ke8 16. a3 Rg8 17. c4 Nf6 18. h4 Nd7 19. h5 Nxe5 20. Bxe5 h6 21. d4 g6 22. g3 Bg7 23. Rd1 Bxe5 24. dxe5 g5 25. Ke2 Rd8 26. g4 Rf8 27. Rxd8+ Kxd8 28. Rf1 Rf4 29. Rd1+ Kc7 30. f3 Kc6 31. Ke3 Rf7 32. Rd8 Rh7 33. Rc8+ Kb7 34. Rf8 Kc7 35. f4 a6 36. fxg5 b5 37. g6 Rg7 38.cxb5 axb5 39. Kd4 Kc6 40. a4 Resigns
Strange News by Elliotte Wisanski
The Hirpi of Chess
I think we’ve all met these people before. Whether they’re teachers, technicians or opponents for some reason when you know you’ve done poorly, they invarably add these words to their evaluation,”I’ve never seen anyone do this so poorly before.” or, “No one has ever failed before.” or ” I’ve never fired anyone for this before.” Interestingly when you check with other people they say the same things have been said to them by the same person, about the same exam, game or job. It’s almost as if these words are programmed to embarrass you to a point that you don’t check the results. Most people don’t know they are signature tag lines used by Transformation Ritual Abuse Cult members (TRAC). Some TRAC members may be great chess players.
Why? Reports have reached us of a study at Lucerne Institute of Psychological Research. Their theory is that punishment results in endorphins used to minimize pain and this combined with the adrenaline effectively open up previously underutilized neural pathways. The Lucerne study involved spankings and showed an increase in average IQ by 38% overall. http://www.spankoz.net/spankings_make_you_smarter.htm ( It should be noted some children have written to claim the reports of the study are an internet hoax perpetrated by parents run amuck. Still, no pain, no gain is not a new idea.)
One of the most dangerous ways of self inflicting pain is by barefoot walking across burning wood but piercing, branding, scarification and tattooing are also common amongst TRAC counter cultures.
With this background, let Anthony Petrafessor tell his story.
“I grew up in Naples, Italy but liked to go camping all around our beautiful country. Last month while tenting near Monte Sorrate (North of Rome), it got very cold and my wife and I built a large campfire. We like to play chess outside our tent under the stars at night. One night a barefoot backpacker walked up to our camp and watched our game. He kept staring and so I invited him over to play. He calmly walked through the campfire, sat down and started playing. I wondered why is he still alive. I thought my game was going well when the stranger said, ” If you resign now we can play another game.”
Well I eventually lost. Instead of being gracious he said, “I’ve never played such a weak player.” I felt the anxiety of humiliation and started to sweat. He suddenly got up and walked through the fire again. This time he cast even a bigger shadow. He looked 30 centermeters taller ( about a foot) . It was as if he was growing and getting stronger from my bad feelings. We played again and this time he won in 25 moves. Then he said, “Some people aren’t smart enough for chess. Maybe you should take up tic tac toe.” I started to notice all the disgusting metal piercing on his face. I then noticed he had tattoos instead of hair on his head.
What really bothered me was his jaw seemed larger and his build stronger then earlier, but I smiled because I didn’t want to let him know he hurt my feelings or that he was making me dizzy and sweaty. My wife asked him not to walk on the campfire because it was frightening her, but to please partake of some dinner. He sat down and ate with us for about an hour. After the meal we played again and as the game went on, all I could think of was how bad his feet smelled. Well, the next game I won by going to an early endgame.
I thought, “You’ve just got beaten by the worst player you ever met”, but I held that thought, smiled and said I was lucky. I won the next game. He stared into my eyes and I said, “I was very lucky”. He knocked the pieces over and said this is no way to improve; pain and humiliation makes one improve. He looked smaller then before. I mentioned he looked cold and weak and could I offer him some socks. I bragged how the love of my life gave me a set of expensive and very warm cashmere socks. My wife gave me one of those looks like you want that odor on your socks. Since in Italy we are gracious hosts, I went inside to get my socks and made sure to spray the inner side with, a strong foot deodorant Desenex.
He put them on thanked me and told me he was a Hiripi. For 3 millennium his people would fire walk and ritually abuse themselves. It was done to attain greater powers and intelligence. We played again, he won and said, “Your game is pathetic take back your socks”. He got up and walked through the camp fire. He screamed from pain and jumped out of the fire. We took him to the hospital. I haven’t seen him since but do you have any idea how I can contact this group to learn their technique. Did my smile or friendliness make him lose some of his powers?.
Our editor Brad Zang did allow a minor investigation. Here are some of our conclusions.
Some have theorized that certain genetic mutations handed down from family members produce sweaty smelly feet called skunk feet. It was probably developed to ward off animals. Anyway skunk feet may generate an insulating layer of water vapor called Leidenfrost, preventing burning.
1) The Hiripi are mentioned in the Roman Record as fire walkers, preists and ritual abusers in Falisci (Roman Provence near Rome). They were actually exempt from military service by the Roman Senate. Either because they were believed to have special powers or they smelled so bad that other Roman legionnaires didn’t want to sleep near them.
2) We have heard stories about Hiripi of Chess operating out of Tattoo Parlors. Some of these TRAC cults even try and get church tax status for their Tattoo Parlors.
3) We can’t believe people get taller or special powers from disciplines that involve humiliation and pain. Or power from the people they humiliate.
4) We did discover that the Desenex you used in the socks also has strong antiperspirant salts that absorb water. It probably got on his feet causing them to stop sweating eliminating the insulating water vapor barrier protecting his feet. So he burned his feet. Your kindness gave him a hot foot, but keep smiling anyway.
Elsewhere in Chess News
Chess writer Sam Sloan asks some great questions. IE. “The revelation that World Chess Federation President Kirsan Ilyumzhinov was in Baghdad on the first of April just at the moment when everybody knew that the USA was on the verge of attacking Iraq re-opens the question of where has Kirsan Ilyumzhinov obtained his money”
Nigel Short won the Hunguest Hotels Super Chess Tournament on April 20 th (in Hungary). It had some strong Grand Masters. http://www.chessgate.de/turniere/2003/Budapest/
Princeton professor J.Richard Gott writes on chess and the laws of physics http://www.physicscentral.com/writers/writers-02-4.html
Grand Master and Oxford Mathematician John Nunn writes about his favorite science fiction. http://www.chessbase.com/newsdetail.asp?newsid=899
Openings by Bradley Zang
The Brooklyn Gambit
It was named after a famous revolutionary war retreat maneuver in Brooklyn Heights. But many think it’s really based on the way Brooklyn men pick up women!!? First you leer at your opponent and yell out, “Yo babe”. Then you back off turn around, look at yourself in the mirror and act like your not interested. Then you spend some resources to give yourself time for conquest. (Flash some cash)
You won’t find this opening in any data base. As you know women control the internet and if this got out men could manipulate them like pawns.
Bradley Zang White Chess Master Black Game in 30 April 7 2003
To be politically correct we chose a game that was a draw so women feel that our conquests are mutual. 1. g3 e5 2. Nf3 (You yell out Yo) 2..e4 (She find herself drawn to you) 3. Ng1(You turn around and look at yourself in the mirror ) Nf6 4. b4 (Best , You spend some resources for time. )(f4 is quite strong but b3 and d6 nice alternatives.) 4… Bxb4 5. Bb2 ( Do not attack the bishop at b4 leave it their it is out of place.) d5 6. Bg2 O-O 7. Nh3 c5 8. O-O Nc6 9. Nf4 (White hopes Black will boot this knight givings White’s black bishop reign over the diagnal) Bg4 10. d3( Attacks over extended pawn center) Qe7 ( The rest is just combos an fun) 11. Nd2 Rad8 12. a3 Ba5 13. h3 Bf5 14. g4 Be6 15. e3 c4 16. Nb1 Rfe8 17. g5 Nd7 18. dxc4 dxc4 19. Qh5 Bf5 20. Nd5 Qc5 21. Nbc3 Nce5 22. Rad1 Nf3+ 23. Bxf3 exf3 24. e4 Bxc3 25. Bxc3 Bg6 26. Qg4 Rxe4 27. Qxf3 Qxa3 28. Nf6+ gxf6 29. Rxd7 Rxd7 30. Qxf6 Kf8 31. Qh8+ Ke7 32. Bf6+ Kd6 33. Qf8+ Rde7 34. Bxe7+ Rxe7 35. Rd1+ Kc6 36. Qc8+ Kb6 37. Rb1+ Ka5 38. Qxc4 a6 39. Qd5+ Qd4 40. Qd8+ Ka4 41. Qd4+ b4 42. Ra1 Bxc2 43. Rxa3+ Kxa3 44. Qa1+ Kb3 45. Qxa6 Rd7 46. h4 Kb2 47. h5 b3 48. f4 Kb1 49. f5 Rd5 50. g6 fxg6 51. hxg6 hxg6 52. f6 b2 53. f7 Rg5+ 54. Kh2 Rh5+ 55. Kg3 Rf5 56. Qxg6 Rf1 57. Qh5 Ba4 58. Qh4 Bb3 59. Qe4+Bc2 60. Qe7 Ka2 61. Qa7+ Kb1 62. Qe7 Ka2 63. Qa7+ Kb1 64. Qe7 draw
Scholasic Section by Bradley Zang
Florida Scholastic promoters should be very proud. When I first heard about Cindy Tsai from my friend Russ Donnelly. He was bragging about a game he drew this little girl sitting on phone books. The second time I actually saw her draw Bruce Fortado a local master in Jacksonville. Of coarse she was already ten years old by then. I almost lost a game to her younger brother Danny once, fortunatly he couldn’t reach all the pieces. Cindy is the reigning Pan-American Junior Girls Chess Champion and is rated around 2160. Now news has reached us that she was awarded one of the seven U.S. Chess Trust awards scholarships totaling $5,000 to high school juniors and seniors. Cindy plans to attend either Harvard University or MIT. A.J. Steigman also from Florida who is rated of 2262 received third place.
are given every Sat at the JCC. It is free to members and FCCJ students.
Chess Master Leo Pasmanik will be giving lessons chess on Tuesday evenings at 7-9 PM at the JCA, 8505 San Jose Blvd # B Jacksonville, FL 32217-4225. info Beth at (904)730-2100 ext 239
Private instruction is offered by expert Andrew Cunanan 998 0827
Hendricks Elementary meets on Tuesday 3 to 4 P.M. George Foote at 396-5420
San Juan del Rio Catholic on Thursday from 3-4 in the 8th grade classroom. 287-8081.
Northside Community Invol. On Friday afternoon 4736 Avenue B, Building C
Pinedale Elementary on Tuesdays and Fridays in the school cafeteria from 3:15-4:30.
Vice Principal Thompson (381-7490).
Mandarin Senor High School on Monday 2:15 to 3:30 P.M. phone 260-3911
Paxon High contact William Bowman 389-4278
G.Howe writes: I’m not sure why you sent me this, but thanks anyway….I went to see Chess the musical in Aldershot (a town in England) this week, an amateur dramatics association had staged it, and it was fantastic.
Tommy Rothman writes: The study about spankings is bogus. My parents had the nerve to post it over my bed.
Liz Weiner writes: The spanking study is just another example of the threat. Parents are getting bolder in taking away our rights. It’s like a grown ups Patriot Act.
Lilly Romano writes: Don’t go to Mongolia! Are you crazy.
Lionel Frost wrote: Your remarks re America, prayer and “our troops” are offensive in the extreme. Invasion is a crime against civilization, and most people in this world consider the actions of America as utterly obscene….
Djordje Vidanovic wrote: Besides being on the wrong political side from me….
Websites: by Don Davis
World Chess Network.(WCN) http://www.worldchessnetwork.com/ A nice place to play on line is having, Salute to Spassky Month. Each day throughout the month of June, GM Boris Spassky will hand pick one of his historical games. Their coverage of the Kasporv computer event was great. Their lesson of the week is top notch. Here is an example of its fun reading. http://www.worldchessnetwork.com/English/chessNews/evans/030414.php